Day 8 - Week 2 Kick Off

Wowo, week two already! 

Today I have had A day. Woke up to my alarm at 5.30am not wanting to get out of bed but made myself. I was anxious all day. Flat all day. Confused all day. I just didnt want to do anything. 

But

I got my ass out of bed and MADE myself train. I did the same learn to run & outdoors circuit that I started with last week. You know the one that nearly made me hurl, the one that I had to stop after the 3rd round of the circuit and couldnt do any more. Well today, I did my learn to run, for the first couple of times I ran for 2mins straight! and then I continued outside in the sun again for the circuit. 

I did it! I did all 4 rounds of the circuit and the final blast! Yes, I felt like I was going to be sick again but I DID IT!

Its amazing how far I have physically improve in just a week!

I said to Karl tonight, I need to find a balance, Im so physically exhausted that I struggle with everything else I do through out the day. For once he had some wise words that will stick with me over the next couple of weeks

"Keep on doing what your doing and your body will follow and catch up eventually"

After he said that, I heard Mish's voice in my head. 

"Its the small daily wins that make the big picture at the end"

I will put these words on my wall somewhere, it is about consistency. I mean in having a little bit of a complain that Im so tired I was in no way saying that I wanted to give up. Im just so tired and my body is so sore. But I also have to remind myself, that I have done this before, that I know that week 2 and week 3 are the hardest. Once I get over this hurdle I know that I have achieved getting past the hardest part.

Day 7 - Reflections

WOW! What a week it has been! 

Week one of my journey of becoming well and getting back on track with my weight loss is complete!

 

A few realizations this week. Im finding that with me trying to become well from this anxiety stuff that I am deep in thought about my life . Not just the negative self talk anymore but thoughts about who I am, who I am becoming and who I would like to be. Learning things about myself as a person, woman, mother, partner, friend. 

 

I have realized this past week that I put myself down way too much. I want everything to be perfect and I want it to happen now. For me to deal with this, I had to have a really good look at where this behavior had stemmed from. If those sort of behaviors are something that I have taught myself or if it has ingrained in me by someone. It came down to my mother and how she treated me as a child. When I told her I wanted to continue my dance at a professional level she literally slapped me across the face and told me to grow up. That those sort of dreams were not rational thoughts.  So I found myself asking "Am I now setting myself standards that are way to high?" Its great to have goals but as Mish teaches us, they have to be S.M.A.R.T -Specific, Manageable, Achievable, Realistic,Time based. When I was younger, Was my dream of becoming a professional dancer S.M.A.R.T?? I guess I will never know. BUT I do know, that I need to let go of these negative behaviors that have been taught to me at a young age and start thinking of how I want to be as a person. How I want to treat my friends, my partner, my children. The lessons that I want to teach my children. That if their dreams are to be high to teach them the S.M.A.R.T principle and encourage them what I have learnt this past week. That you can do anything that you put your mind to!

Some other things that I have realized this week is that im a better person when I train. I get up "before life starts" and get my training done. I am more organized for the day, I am more calmer, No where near as anxious, I get more done around the house but most importantly, I feel like I have achieved something. 

Those couple of days that I didnt get up to train and left it to later, Thursday when I slept through the alarm, Friday when I could sleep in because I had boot camp and today, because its our day of rest. I really felt the anxiety creeping because I hadnt focused on something and given myself some me time before my daily demands had started. There were a couple of other things I had noticed when I train first thing. I eat breakfast! I dont drink anywhere near the amount of coffee I normally drink through out the day. As I said, I am much calmer, No where near as anxious, I am organized and a lot more productive through out the day. I sleep better. But more important than anything.....When I train, I feel strong with in myself!

 

 Today was our day of rest. But I did feel like training. I decided to listen to the program laid out for me though and not train. As my morning progressed I felt myself becoming weaker and weaker and becoming more and more anxious. Karl could see that I was getting on edge so suggested that we take Molly our pup down the beach for her first walk. I really didnt want to go. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep but I am not that person any more so decided it was a good idea and pushed through it. 

 

 

 

Im so glad I did. We walked for nearly an hour.  While I was walking I realized that I was a bit anxious today because of fathers day. I miss my dad very much. The universe took him from me way too early. 

Molly was funny on the lead for the first little while as pups are, but by the end of the walk she was walking me instead of me walking her. The sun was beautiful, the water was glistening, the salt air, how can you not appreciate such beauty? Need a picture to try and visualize what I was seeing? 

 

 

 

 

This was my view on our walk!

 

 

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads <3 

Day 6 - SSS

SSS - Super Saturday Session!!

WOW! what a session! I decided not to follow the plan today, BUT I did decide to take my calorie burn up to 1000 cals. 

In the past, burning 1000 has always been a big struggle for me. I have always gotten to around 700 and burn out, felt tired, my head space would tell me that I cant go any further. Recovery from it would take hours, I would feel sick and shaky and felt like throwing up.

Today was another story!! 

Now, One of my goals is that I WANT to run 500 meters non stop by week 4. So I know I need to work on my running regularly to get to that. Even tho I have had some great sessions this week, I have only done the learn to run program once and did some running at bootcamp yesterday. So here was the plan for today.

I started with a 5 min walk on the treadmill. Then I did the learn to run program for 20mins. In the past while doing the learn to run program I would get to about 15mins in (including the warm up walk) and I would really struggle for the last 10 mins. Today was different. I didnt struggle with it at all. In fact, Week 1 on the learn to run program Mish has us running for 30 secs - 1 min, with a 1 min 30 sec walk in between. I found myself running for 1 min 30 secs - 2 mins with a 1 min walk in between! I really noticed today that once I TOLD myself "right I cant stop until this time", I did it without thinking. I just got the job done. In the past If i had of told myself I have to run, say 1 min 30, even tho, deep down I know I can do more, my mind would see that time and I would start gasping for air. It really is in the mind. My mind is giving in before my body does. So as of Monday, because I KNOW my body is capable of running more, I am going to up myself to week 3 of the running program. See how I go.

Anyway.....

So I walked for 5 mins, learn to run for 20mins then I did a DVD for an hour. Followed by some ab work and a nice stretch.

After my stretch I looked down at my HRM, I had smashed 1043 cals! I had done it. I had not given up, Not once did the thought I CANT come into my head. I just did what I needed to do! 

Recovery was so much quicker. Granted Im tired but who wouldnt be after smashing over 1000 calories!?! Im not shaky, Im not feeling sick,  In fact about an hour later, Im smiling and feeling great!

I will do a refection post tomorrow on how I think the week has gone for me and even tho I said yesterday that I was so please with how far I have come over the past few days, I really have to say it again... From the person I was last week, of not going out, not trying, seeing that dark cloud hanging over my head, to who I am today 6 days later..a totally different person. I have caught myself smiling a few times this week. I have found myself trying to do things that I would normally over think, tell myself I cant, do the whole 'paralysis by analysis' I am starting to feel more confident in myself. And have found myself saying I CAN! and not only saying it. But wanting to!

Day 5

Wow well hasnt this week gone fast? Final training session for the week tomorrow already.

Mixed things around a little today. Gold Coast had a public holiday so "The Gold Coast Go Getters" personal trainer threw an extra boot camp into the mix. A few insights into this and achievements....

Well first achievement was that I went!! I didnt make an excuse I just got in the car and went!

Second achievement is that I drove there and back. Granted Karl was in the car BUT I drove there and back! 

Third achievement is that those evil little cone sprints he has us do, well i didnt stop running until I got to cone 4 normally its cone 3.

Fourth achievement is that I burnt less calories. I was kinda bummed at that until I realized how quick my heart rate had dropped also...which both together means I am getting fitter :) 

The week of training isnt over yet. I have a BIG session tomorrow to end the week off but up until now, I am really pleased with my efforts. I am feeling better in my skin. I am proud that I have been trying every day with everything. I have been sticking to my routine that I made myself. I have been training every day. I have been eating clean every day. I have been working on my CBT. I have been positive! And I am starting the weekend with a massive smile on my face :) 

I feel a change in me and its only been 5 days. Just imagine how far I will come by the end of the 12 weeks!!!

Oh and by the way... a couple of my team mates have talked me into a girls day next Saturday going to Brisbane with them for training without Karl and I have agreed! This will be a BIG test for me, going out with people I dont know very well. But they know what I am like and they are prepared for me which I find really touching. Its really nice to have that support and encouragement. 

Thank you to those two special ladies today. You know who you are. xxxx

Day 4

Well I have noticed a few things today. On how much a MASSIVE difference training first thing in the morning makes. The past couple of days, all I have been thinking is how tired I am, How sore my body is, Could I go the distance of getting up early EVERY day to train. Let me tell you something....

As you all know by now, I have been setting the alarm at 5.30am to train. The first two days I jumped out of bed without hitting the snooze button. Yesterday was a real struggle, I was even saying to myself "oh, ill sleep in now and train once the kids have gone to school" that little determined voice in my head dragged me out of bed..... "JFDI!!!" So up I got...This morning was another story....

Alarm goes off at 5.30am. I hit snooze. I hit snooze again. I hit off with the thought that "Ill just lie here for a second and then Ill get up" .......7am later.... Karl was kissing me goodbye as he had to go to work, as he kissed my forehead he whispered "this is not training".........

My eyes had sprung open, I could hear the pitter patter of little feet in the lounge room, life had begun! 

My twins are challenging to say the least in the mornings. Fighting. Loud. Defiant. Im normally shaking with stress by the time the kids go to school at 8.30am. These past few days, training before they demand my constant attention has made the mornings easier. I have been calmer. 

This morning, I was back to running around like a headless chicken, forcing myself not to pull my hair out. Trying to stay calm until they went to school. 

In the past, In previous rounds. After a morning like that I would of said "I cant be bothered training" 

BUT not today!! I was dressed in my training gear before they left for school, yes, I was stressed but I knew that I would feel better after lifting some heavy weights. Lately, to me, there is nothing better for stress relief than going for a run with your music blaring or lifting some heavy weights, which leaves me feeling strong and in control. This morning this is what I did!!! I kissed my little darlings goodbye. Turned around and went straight to my gym area in the garage, turned my weights training DVD on and did a good session. Let me tell you, there is no better feeling after than that burning feeling that you get deep down in your muscles. Yes, I will hurt tomorrow BUT that pain is for the better, It means that the hard work I am putting in is paying off, and one day soon, I will see those results!

Day 3 - Weigh In Wednesday

Here it is. Weigh In Wednesday. The first weigh in for round 3, 2012.

Before I tell you how I went, I have to say I am really impressed with how my mind set is changing this round. I feel different. Like good things are happening and dare I say it, Im smiling. Now I know a smile on my face does not magically fix my anxiety issues, but it does make it a dam site easier to deal with it. I think my main thing I have to work on with IT is my driving, I have been calm for days. Since training again.

Ok so I bounced out of bed all excited and raring to get on those scales for the first time for this round. Only to see those dreaded numbers. 89.5kg.... thats right I gained 500 grams!

Now normally, I would of thrown my arms up in the air in tears. Asking why have I bothered putting in the hard work? Why have I bothered getting up at 5.30am to train my ass off? Why have I bothered flexing my will power muscle to foods I know I cant eat?? ...... But did I? No. I did not.

Instead I calmly looked at myself and asked what I had done these past few days that could make the number go up instead of down? Did I watch my portion sizes? Yes! Have I trained consistently? Yes! So I know I have done the right thing, what else could it be? Ding Dong... TTOM! Ding Dong....DOMS! Yep both would make the numbers go up. I KNOW that next week, I will have the best loss ever! Normally at TTOM I can easily have a gain of 2kgs, so to only have gone up 500 grams is saying that I have some pretty good numbers coming my way. And if now, then that is ok too because what doesnt show on the scales WILL show in my measurements in 4 weeks time!

The things Mish says are FINALLY sinking in! Its not how good or bad you train. Its not what the numbers say on the scales. Its about eating clean every day, training every day (and even if you dont have a killer of a session then at least you still showed up) being consistent with what you do and if you do the right things. The results WILL follow!

Day 2

Oh I hurt!!

I woke up at 5.30am this morning, I did hit the snooze button and contemplated not getting up because I am so sore, but I argued with myself and got up anyway. Put my training gear on and chucked a weights DVD into the player. It was a battle of the angel and devil on my shoulders the whole session, but I am very proud to say that I did not stop, I didnt not give up. I just kept reminding myself that its only an hour, and then I am done and I can then reward myself with a nice hot Epsom salt bath. oh boy.... I know that I am going to struggle to move tomorrow. So I have decided already that I will do a nice body jam class to loosen myself up. :)

Im really proud of myself for not staying in bed, and then not giving up. My mind set has changed quite a lot this round already. Im ready for a change, Im ready to become the best version of me that I can be. Im ready to take control and be the one in the drivers seat.

My food has been perfect again so far today. I have made my wrap already, ready for lunch. I am having chicken with mustard sauce for dinner with baked tomatoes and asparagus. The family havnt tried this recipe yet so I will be making them eat it :)