Sunday, September 16, 2012

Day 21..... Reflections......


Well there it is. The hurdle week. I dont think I made it all the way over. I think I got to the top and watched the view. Ok, Maybe a few steps back down but Im watching the view now.

I have had a really tough week. Things I cant really talk about in here because I dont want some people to read it. But I can say, that I have found myself making life changing decisions, the destination.... has not yet been decided. Its a tough question I have been asking myself for months now, I wish it was a simple yes, do it or no, dont. I just cant make up my mind. And then if I do, Its the fear of everything also.

Anyway enough of my cryptic thoughts. Onto the week that was.

I only trained a couple of times this week. I really struggled with the mental side of things. The negative self talk was taking control. Which was quickly followed by the negative self worth. Beating myself up with, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. Which is quickly followed by, I cant be bothered, Im too tired... My two top excuses.

On Thursday night I had Chinese for dinner. I was going to make the lasagne on Thursday, but I didnt look at the recipe until about 5.30pm and quickly realized it takes 2 hours to make. Too late for the kids to eat so may as well get take out. Friday night the twins had their school disco. It was from 5.30pm - 6.30pm, such a silly time for 9 yr olds. I was planning on the kids eating out so my partner and I would have the steak and veg when we got home. The kids wanted a happy meal on the way to me taking them to their friends house, so into McDonalds I went. Which ended up in me walking out with my own meal. I did actually enjoy the burger and thick shake. The chips were so oily that I didnt end up eating them. But oh boy did I pay for those two take out nights the next day! I was so sick!

Jumped on the scales today to have a sneak peak at the scales to see a 2 kilo gain! Really? I didnt go over my calories that much! I am really hoping that its just bloating and come Wednesday I will be back down to where I was last week. I am really hoping that two days of poor food choices has not turned all of my hard work up side down! I keep doing the math in my head. Both days I was only over my calorie quota by about 400 cals. For me to gain 2 kg I would have to have gone over by 1400 calories! So I am hoping my math is right and that I will be fine!

I  have already said that I only exercised a couple of times this week.  I have been starting to struggle with food too. Not so much eating the wrong things, but not having three stable meals a day. More Im not hungry for a meal so I have been snacking and then just eating dinner, which often results in me being way under my quota for the day. Which is not good for my body.  The days that I have had lunch, I think I am eating the right things. Like a simple, lite ham, lite cheese and tomato toasted sandwich. No butter or marge. No sauces. But I am eating two which makes it too much for lunch. 

This week has taught me a few things. 

I really  need to keep an eye on my portion sizes

Be prepared with my recipies

Plan my meals if there is an even, Even pre cook them where possible

Stop beating myself up so much, at the end of the day this is a journey, and one or two bad days does not mean that I have given up.

I have been talking to my Gold Coast girls and they have been so supportive. The little sayings that they posted for me today are in this post. I love them both so had to share both. I feel that they are so appropriate for me this week.

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